My Big Forrest

   

     Every so often you find yourself up so high that you feel like there is nothing that can touch you. You forget all the little things and you focus on one factor in your life, and nothing else matters. One day leads to the next, and then to the next, and before you know it all the time is gone.

     I tend to find myself lost in these kinds of days too often lately. Waking up, looking around, and going through the meaningless motions just to find myself on the same spot from when I awoke. I remember the days when I felt the drive to do more, to create, to see more, and to live more.

     It's only until I slow down and really take a look around that I really understand where I am. I sit back, look up in the sky, take a deep breath, and slowly close my eyes. So many thoughts run through my head as if it was trying to catch up, ideas, regrets, feelings, and dreams all the same. I become reminded of who I am, and what is really important.

     Today of all days, I was able to shut my eyes and remind myself, and with that reminder, I came across two of my favorite movies. Ones that, remind me of what life can become, no matter how crazy you might se it, or how little your might understand it. The moment when you experience something so profound, so life changing, and you don't even know it until someone wants to hear about it. Its movies like Forrest Gump and Big Fish that remind me of such things, that help me get back on track.  Lets me think about what stories I have to tell, or will have to tell, what I have already done, or have yet to do.

     Take a minute to get back on track, because you never quite know what you mind find.

The Itch...

          So, as I sit here in the airport, practically falling asleep in my chair like an exhausted toddler, I once again feel the itch within me for adventure. The funny thing is, it took up until now to feel it again. See, this all started about 2 months ago, when I found myself at my (at that time 3 month in) "new" job (since ending the 2 month road trip across the U.S.), when I was sitting attentively writing a "very important" e-mail to a peer of mine. Alone in the back room, I leaned back to give my eyes a rest, and as I looked up at the ceiling, I noticed a lizard sitting very still. Yea, I know, random, but there was literally a lizard on the ceiling. I was fixated on how it just stayed completely still as if attempting to blend in to the blandness of the egg shell shade of white panels. For minutes, I just sat there, staring at it, and I thought, I have never seen a lizard on the ceiling before, let alone at work. As I chuckled and bent my neck back to look at my screen, the 3 paragraph explanation that I had prepared was suddenly swept away by an unexpected "Force Close" by the magnificent machine we call a PC.

          At this point, any of us would be distraught to have this happen, but I just sighed at the unfortunate dilemma and went right back at admiring the lizard. It was at this exact point that I felt the "itch". It crept upon me slowly right between my eyes, as if to tell me to take off the figurative glasses I had to put on to live in the "real world." Once off, I felt I didn't understand how I was getting sucked in again.  Into the idea that the seat that I am currently imprinting is my true calling. Although I have been working hard and don't attempt to be mediocre, this was not what my life needs me to do. Like the lizard, I was attempting to blend into something that didn't make sense for me, a bland, egg shelled background. I bet it didn't think it would be stranded on ceiling of some office building surrounded by gigantic monsters doing crazy dances and speaking noises, noises that even if it understood english, would still sound odd to him (thanks to accents and mostly nonsense).

         All this going through my mind, I felt the itch moving towards my chest, at which point I felt a sense of hollowness come upon me. Why am I settling once again? What is it that my heart really wants from me? If I look back at my life and I found out that tomorrow was the end, what would I really have to show for it? What would I have failed at? What would I have learned? We all think of it at one point or another, some more than others, and some put it off because of other things that cloud their hungry minds, but for me, it was an all too eerie feeling. You see, like you, my readers, my friends and family don't quite understand my hunger for experience. I have always thrown myself to the wolves to see if I'd survive, or jumped in the deep end to see if I'd float, or driven on E to see how far I'd get (ok so I made up the last one but you get my point), so why aren't I doing that with my life now?

          With that feeling, I took a look around and saw my life as if it was a still painting, and just like those pieces of art, there are always things the jump out can create deeper though. For example, I have 3 friends of mine who are avid travelers, and without ever expressing my view they come to speak to me about their inner struggle with life and how we are formed to think the way we do. How life isn't all about staying put and feeling comfortable. This is scary thought even for me and as I press my finger into every button I feel the cold chill come down my spine thinking that I can leave it all behind someday. Then I thought about a commitment that I made to myself at the beginning of the year, about seeing much of the world before I turn 30, and what huge leaps I have made thus far. How, before I go overseas, I wanted to see North America for what it was. This is where the itch went to the top of my head and I came up with the brightest idea in quite some time and why, 2 months later, I am sitting in this airport, partially drooling as I type this. Let me finish that commitment to myself, let me see what it is again to see beauty in the unknown rather than fear, let me know that if I can dream it, it can happen. So here I am, my zone was just called to board, as if asking me one last time if I really want to do this, and I just gave them my boarding pass. Hello again, Kenneth, lets see where your heart takes us again...

Camden, Arkansas

   

          This morning I woke up in the little town known as Camden, Arkansas. This town is roughly 1 1/2 hours from Arkansas biggest city, Little Rock. The drive to there alone had me questioning where my next host was living (haha). I drove about 2 hours or so through back roads in the woods that curved every quarter mile or so, littered with deer, sharp turns, no lights, and every car (mostly trucks) that drove by would blind me with their highbeams. Not to mention that I didn't see one store or gas station on the way, and I had no phone service, so yea, I was a bit freaked, but nothing prepared me for when I met my host.

(imagine this, but pitch black)

          Lindsey lives in Camden, Arkansas, a tiny town that doesn't have much to offer a city slicker like myself. It has a local food store, a strip of locally own businesses and a hilly network of roads and houses. All of which were leading to her apartment towards the top of the hill. Now, I would of thought Lindsey was a small town girl with very different thoughts from me, judging on the city, but as we talked on my way there, we had a very similar sense of humor and charisma. She even called me to check up on me and to basically take my food order for when I arrive haha. I walked up to her door, and rang the door bell, and she opened the door with a huge smile and even helped me with my luggage. She was exactly who I thought she would be, a diamond in the rough.

Meet Lindsey and some of her students from the Middle East

Some yummy food she had for me

          She was one of the kindest, understanding, and humble people I have ever met. We made a fresh meal for me and pampered me as her guest. As we spoke, her inner beauty became more apparent with every laugh. She has traveled all over but her favorite and I believe most admirable destination was the Middle East. Even amongst all the turmoil we hear on the t.v. she still went for her love of culture and for the children. She even showed me this awesome video of her children in Palastine singing a christmas song, which was really cute and funny. As I spoke to her, all I could think was how much I appreciate people like her in this world. She moved to the small town to teach high school and she runs into the realities of stereotypical small town minds on a daily basis but she manages to keep on smiling and being the amazing person she is. I must say, she inspires me, and I am happy to have met someone like her on my travels. She answered the question of "why" just like me, "why not?" Unfortunately she had to work early so we didn't get to hang the next day but she offered her home to me as if it were mine and I can't say thank you enough.

Watch Lindseys class sing a Christmas Jingle here!

           As I drove towards Arlington, TX I found myself in the city of Hope, Arkansas. If you didn't know, this is the birthplace of President Bill Clinton and Mike Huckaby. I stumbled into a local restaurant called Tailgaters and was able to sit and chat with some of the servers and the owner about #TheCommunityProject. They were all so nice and helped me understand how life is in Hope. From mudding, to their personal lives, and even expressing where their dream vacation would be (no matter how close or how far, inside joke). I even had time to show the owner how to dance a little bachata (now, if only I was a little older, haha). As I walked out to leave I also came across a member of the chamber of commerce for Hope County, Mark Kieth and he filled me in on what life is living in a small town as well as some true words of wisdom. I must say, even though these were small town folk, they were far from small minded ones, and I appreciated the chance to meet them.

The Tailgaters crew

Teaching bachata to some Hope locals

Wise words from chamber of commerce member, Mark Keith

          Next stop will be Arlington, Texas and I sure didn't expect have the "Welcome to Texas" tour that I got. Check out the trailer to the video I am making below. Use the hashtag #TheCommunityMadeOfUs, repost the video on your pages, and remember, it doesn't take much to be part of The Community, and when someone helps you, make sure you pass it on.

The Community: Made of Us (Trailer)
and

The Community: Made of Us (Trailer 2)

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The Kid From Yesterday. The Thought Of Tomorrow.

         So, before we get into the meat and potatoes of this post, I wanted to admit something to you all. Since beginning this attempt to write my thoughts on the world wide web, I had to really think if putting myself out in the open was a smart idea. I mean, every letter that I press is a show of my penchant for free-will and against my inclination of buffers in social settings. I am making a case of my sole opinions and only hand my ideas over as a method to fuel the small flame within all of us, if any. My hesitations laid with the thought of the worlds predispositions of stereotypes or mainstream ways of thinking. What if I say the wrong thing, or forget to censor my thoughts and it's taken the wrong way. I mean, we are so quick to judge one another, like the single mother in her late teens, or a person that enjoys a hit from time to time, or even the beautiful girl that is sitting across from you at the coffee shop. It's the way we are brought up. In fact, in psychology, stereotypes are the way we generalize groups of people to prepare ourselves in case we find ourselves in similar situations from the past. Still, I think that taking time to write these thoughts, make them real and creates some kind of purpose to it all, rather than just an opinion I am throwing at you, it's a seed that is planted, whether you water it or let if dry up is up to you. Now, on to the yummy stuff!

The Past. 

(I will explain the photo at the end)

          Such a statement, such a testament to our finite existence, such a predictor of what lies ahead of us, or is it? What is it about our pasts that plagues our futures. We are so defined from yesterday that we forget what today really means. Think of it like your trying to save money. If you splurge and max out your credit cards, then you will spend all of your income trying to pay off your debts. Leaving no excess income to enjoy today or life tomorrow. Unless you dedicate yourself, you will never get out of debt neglecting you from achieving what you really want. Or think of it as if you go hard at the gym then go home to eat pizza, what have your really gained but soreness, heartburn, and a waste of time? The point that I am making is that, if you don't focus on the results of today, then tomorrows finished product will never be. If we keep focusing on yesterdays results, then you lose focus of what you can do today and how it will effect you tomorrow. 

           We all come from different walks of life. Even some of your closest family members have completely different views from one another. Our minds are just as unique as the stars in the sky, although many, no two are the same. Yet, we forget what brought us here. What have I learned from the struggles that I have lived through? I like to think of 3 distinct movies, which I must admit, I will never get tired of watching. Gladiator, Braveheart, and Lord of the Rings. All of these characters were defined by something in their past, we see the development of their passions, hardships, and struggles to never give up but what happens after such a journey? Unfortunately, in all three movies, the main characters die, but in real life, these struggles and journeys happen much more often than we think. 

          So does that mean that after all of our life struggles, we die a little inside? Do we define ourselves by all the hardships that we have gone through? Or do we realize that our pasts are just what we leave behind? Or that in reality, what we decide our futures will be, is what truly defines us today. Whether you want to become a doctor, or lose that 20 pounds, or just make enough cash to buy your special someone that one gift that warrants a smile so big, you get lost in the beauty of their bliss. Whatever the reason, our past shouldn't define us, it should remind us of our future, and what goal we've set for ourselves. So looking back at the photo at the top of this post, I don't see the hardships that I went through or the bad decisions that surrounded my life in the years to come after that photo, I just see that moment, and how I had no idea what the future held, only that I looked forward to going to school every day after that first day. Granted I was young and had no worries in the world, but again, that thought is a product of the hardships in my past up to this point, not what I truly felt about my future from the moment in the photo, understand? 

Food For Thought: Expand Your Mental Pallet.

We all have ambitions in life, things that we hoped to become, I remember I wanted to be an astronaut growing up, but we all have the roads we took instead. Yet, I can't help to wonder if that road was really the right one and I'm just stuck on the detour. Is it still even visible if I looked for it or has it been lost in the fog of my memories? We all know that life isn't predetermined, we are all just animals trying to make sense of it all, but since we are here, shouldn't we make something of a point as to why we are here? I get tired of hearing, "It's never too late" because if someone is telling you that, then it means that your taking to long to make it happen. Find out what your true ambitions are and go after them before next time you hear the, "it's not too late" speech. Fin.

A Mothers Touch

           Take a look outside your window. Whether your at work, cruising in a passenger seat, or enjoying the morning chill on your porch (like me). Use that moment to appreciate what you are seeing, in my case, children playing tag (or something of the sort) and throwing leaves at one another. Seeing the lake glisen in the distance while two people are laying back and enjoying its beauty. Even if it's just the trees that you pass by every single day. Imagine if they weren't there, or of all the things they've seen, or how they got there to begin with. Granted, our busy lives don't always let us take time to enjoy the moment and that always leaves us on the hunt to purchase artificial happiness, think about your last vacation, how did your bank account feel? There is beauty in taking the time to admire something, especially if you never noticed it, or you never took time to appreciate it. In my case, I appreciate this person for what they do for me everyday of my life, but I am ashamed to say I forget to appreciate her for who she is.

Mom

         She's been there since the beginning and everyday in between. From the days I needed to heal my broken heart to the days I passed my finish lines, she was there. She has been through some tough times and always gives all of herself for her family, no questions asked. The story of my leading lady started in El Hospital de Bellavista en Callao, Peru where she was brought into this world by my Mamita Raquel. The only girl amongst 7 brothers she learned quickly how to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. All of which was apparent since the day I met her in St. Mary's hospital in Passaic, NJ back in '89. I was a chip off the old block like my brothers before and after me and with my fathers looks and my mothers smarts, they decided to call me Kenneth, and the rest his history (and future).

        My mother has always been very protective of her four cubs, as should any momma bear with 4 reckless animals. She always taught me how to treat a women and how important it is to find someone who loves instead of lusts. Never hesitating to compare my life decisions as a consenting adult to "you don't even know how to wipe your own butt properly, but you want to ..." (haha). Heck, up until a few years back she would argue with me about staying in the exam room during my yearly routine physical. The convo would go as such:

             Doc: Alright, you will need to take your pants off for this physical.

             Me: Mom, can you please wait outside?

             Momma: For what? Like I don't know whats there? I use to change your diapers, remember!?

          She was always very tough, showing us discipline when needed but never forgetting to let us know she will always be here for us. She would console us when we were hurt but remind us to be men when we weren't being tough enough. She overreacts over the simplest things and worries about us just as much when it comes to the big things. She unknowingly embarrasses us with our childhood stories, and inspires us with hers. She doesn't like to party much, but has a ton of little dances when she gets excited followed by her trademark response "Cooley!" (haha)

          Growing up, she would always talk about her beloved Peru. Like the story of how she met my father, or the first time she ever got in a fight, or even the time one of my uncle's used a toy doll as a urinal (haha, I won't say who momma). I remember the birthday's she would spend a week decorating for or how no matter where my parents would go, parties, vacations, or long drives, we would always go as a family. All of these great memories mixed into the realities of the life that I never really saw as a child. My parents came to this country with nothing but the support of their family. I remember my mother working doubles or triples just to come home and cook us a real dinner. The days her cancer got the worst of her and she would still find time to be an amazing mother. Even the days that money was tight and how I didn't understand the concept of "I can't buy that today, next time."

             All these memories came across my mind while sitting on my porch this morning. I've seen my mother cry tears of despair, and shed tears of joy just as much. She is the glue that keeps my family together, and even with her sometime's annoying requests to take a million photos of all my brothers hugging or how she gets irate because I won't kiss my father's forehead when I say goodbye, I don't think my family would have been the same without her motherly kwirk. My father has always been hard on us, but my mother is harder. Not because she's misguided but because she is our strength. In my darkest times, I look to her for guidance. In my biggest decisions, I look to her for honesty. And in the search of a family of my own, I will look to her as my role model. Mother, today is your birthday and even though I live 600 miles away, I will wake up, wish you a happy birthday, and tell you that I love you. Thank you for being the woman that you are, this is dedicated to you.

Love,

Huevi

Food For Thought: Expand Your Mental Pallet.

This one is simple readers. Take today to appreciate who you are and those around you. Really look at something and take a moment to understand it. Sit next to someone you've never met before and ask them about who they are, really ask. Grab someone you know and take time to look into their soul. Don't get lost in false realities or hype. Look for the real.

Dreaming of what may be, maybe all a dream.

Dream.

            A single word that can mean so much. To dream is as if to realize you are alive, like seeing or feeling something for the first time, to believe in the truth of self and realize that anything is possible. It can also create the illusion of impossibility, like what you want is just a dream, but what is a dream really? There are those dreams in which our fragile thoughts fall victim to in the warmth of our beds, there are those that keep the fire inside us believing anything is possible and we shall prevail, and there are those that plague us like a price on a string dangling in front of us.

            So whats the difference? Should we not be allowed the privilege to think beyond the limits of our surroundings? I mean, think of all those that made a difference in the way we think, did they not take the chance? Now, before I get all philosophical, allow me to digress and delve into the story of now, of you and I, or us. Of a dream I have from time to time. This dream is never identical to the last, the details change, the people change, but the feeling I get when I wake up is always the same.

            I am walking down the left side of the road on the edges of what looks like a farm. It's a bright cool day and theres a tree with leaves holding on so tightly as if not wanting to fall away. In the distance I hear a car making its way towards me and with every second thereafter I become anxious. I become fearful of the noise behind me and begin trying to run from it until it eventually catches up and passes me. I can't tell what kind of car it is, or who exactly is driving but it is always a girl. There are always  passengers, from what i've written, its been family, friends, past lovers, and people that I don't know. And every time I see it, begin sobbing and running after it like I can't let it leave without me. I begin feeling like they are counting on me to reach them. Then I trip and they're gone when I look up, or I just wake up, or I almost make it and they drive off like i'm too late. Now, it doesn't always happen like that, something new always happens, but from what I've written down, they all have their similarities.

            I don't know what it all means exactly but I when I think of what motivates me, I think of that car, and no matter how scared I am, how alone, or helpless I can be there's something that keeps me going towards it. It was only until today that I wanted to write about this dream of mine because of a video I stumbled across. Now I don't have a name for it, I don't know who made it, nor do I know why it was made, but its the thought is simple, "Maybe" It is all about one question, one statement or idea, "Maybe." An idea that can scare the hell out of us, but can also create some of the most amazing moments in our lives. I felt like it was appropriate to include it in this post because like all dreams, we are uncertain what they mean or if we can even reach them, or maybe... it was all a dream.

Click here to check out the video.

Food for thought: Expand your mental pallet.

         Take a moment and allow yourself to dream, whatever that may mean to you.  Give your mind a rest from the digital shackles you impose on yourself. Close your eyes, listen to your heart beat and your mind breathe from running a million miles a minute. You can never really know who you are until you're truly alone and I don't mean sitting in public or in your room but in a place where you don't often go, inside. Think deeply of who you are, what is it that you are really wanting in life. What makes you happy? Why are you here? Don't be afraid to ask and don't be afraid to dream, but remember what a dream means to you, and you alone.