The Itch...

          So, as I sit here in the airport, practically falling asleep in my chair like an exhausted toddler, I once again feel the itch within me for adventure. The funny thing is, it took up until now to feel it again. See, this all started about 2 months ago, when I found myself at my (at that time 3 month in) "new" job (since ending the 2 month road trip across the U.S.), when I was sitting attentively writing a "very important" e-mail to a peer of mine. Alone in the back room, I leaned back to give my eyes a rest, and as I looked up at the ceiling, I noticed a lizard sitting very still. Yea, I know, random, but there was literally a lizard on the ceiling. I was fixated on how it just stayed completely still as if attempting to blend in to the blandness of the egg shell shade of white panels. For minutes, I just sat there, staring at it, and I thought, I have never seen a lizard on the ceiling before, let alone at work. As I chuckled and bent my neck back to look at my screen, the 3 paragraph explanation that I had prepared was suddenly swept away by an unexpected "Force Close" by the magnificent machine we call a PC.

          At this point, any of us would be distraught to have this happen, but I just sighed at the unfortunate dilemma and went right back at admiring the lizard. It was at this exact point that I felt the "itch". It crept upon me slowly right between my eyes, as if to tell me to take off the figurative glasses I had to put on to live in the "real world." Once off, I felt I didn't understand how I was getting sucked in again.  Into the idea that the seat that I am currently imprinting is my true calling. Although I have been working hard and don't attempt to be mediocre, this was not what my life needs me to do. Like the lizard, I was attempting to blend into something that didn't make sense for me, a bland, egg shelled background. I bet it didn't think it would be stranded on ceiling of some office building surrounded by gigantic monsters doing crazy dances and speaking noises, noises that even if it understood english, would still sound odd to him (thanks to accents and mostly nonsense).

         All this going through my mind, I felt the itch moving towards my chest, at which point I felt a sense of hollowness come upon me. Why am I settling once again? What is it that my heart really wants from me? If I look back at my life and I found out that tomorrow was the end, what would I really have to show for it? What would I have failed at? What would I have learned? We all think of it at one point or another, some more than others, and some put it off because of other things that cloud their hungry minds, but for me, it was an all too eerie feeling. You see, like you, my readers, my friends and family don't quite understand my hunger for experience. I have always thrown myself to the wolves to see if I'd survive, or jumped in the deep end to see if I'd float, or driven on E to see how far I'd get (ok so I made up the last one but you get my point), so why aren't I doing that with my life now?

          With that feeling, I took a look around and saw my life as if it was a still painting, and just like those pieces of art, there are always things the jump out can create deeper though. For example, I have 3 friends of mine who are avid travelers, and without ever expressing my view they come to speak to me about their inner struggle with life and how we are formed to think the way we do. How life isn't all about staying put and feeling comfortable. This is scary thought even for me and as I press my finger into every button I feel the cold chill come down my spine thinking that I can leave it all behind someday. Then I thought about a commitment that I made to myself at the beginning of the year, about seeing much of the world before I turn 30, and what huge leaps I have made thus far. How, before I go overseas, I wanted to see North America for what it was. This is where the itch went to the top of my head and I came up with the brightest idea in quite some time and why, 2 months later, I am sitting in this airport, partially drooling as I type this. Let me finish that commitment to myself, let me see what it is again to see beauty in the unknown rather than fear, let me know that if I can dream it, it can happen. So here I am, my zone was just called to board, as if asking me one last time if I really want to do this, and I just gave them my boarding pass. Hello again, Kenneth, lets see where your heart takes us again...